Let’s Pretend.
Let’s quickly pretend I’ve been posting here quite often. The good news is that I do sincerely enjoy writing my thoughts here. When I’m in a groove, I’m in it fully. I don’t truly believe or participate in new years resolutions because I think you can sincerely change things in your life for the better whenever you want. With that being said, my new years resolution is to write here once a month. It doesn’t need to be riveting stuff, but I love it, and let’s be honest I pay $16 a month to have this website so I need to freaking use it.
When I created this website three years ago, I had a completely different vision then I do right now. The color scheme was different, & I wanted to start a podcast. I still want to start a podcast. To be honest, I haven’t felt the motivation to post because I was going through crazy changes and didn’t know which way I wanted to take it and promote this.
I realized that after two years of ghosting this blog, I have met many new people here in Arizona. It’s always scary to show a part of yourself to new people, so I wanted to make sure that this page is an accurate representation of who I am and how I feel at this point before diving back in. I’m still feeling out different aesthetics and one day it’ll click. I’m not sure if it has clicked yet. If you’re interested in seeing how I have grown, go check out the earlier blogs because they are definitely… there. lol. Beware that there may be some crazy takes. I don’t want to edit a lot from two years ago because let’s face it, that is who I was in that moment.
For a better background, here is what I have done since the last time I’ve blogged:
Moved across the country to a warmer state (thank god)
Got a full time job in a brand new field
Moved into three different cities in AZ
Found an avenue to continue coaching softball
Gained & Lost 25 lbs
Chopped my hair
Got a passport & traveled internationally for the first time ever
Met new friends
Added new hobbies (i.e reading)
Started new exercise classes (i.e boxing, pilates, yoga & cycle)
Joined a sand volleyball league
Prioritized myself
"Pitter Patter, Let's get at 'er"
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"Pitter Patter, Let's get at 'er" 〰️
Weight A Damn Minute…
I nonchalantly mentioned I gained & lost 25 lbs within the last two years. Yep. I hit a point where I was genuinely confused as to why I couldn’t fit into any of my jeans anymore. I didn’t see it coming until I finally stepped on the scale and it all hit me at once.
“Holy shit, how did I get here?”
I realized I needed to take action because that was not who I was. I’ve put my body through a lot of bullshit throughout my life & I have been through the wringer. Mentally, my motivation was to get this extra weight off me ASAP. I googled and researched different apps and ways to lose weight before starting a free trial with Noom. The rest was history. I loved the way the app is set up to basically compete with yourself. I had more motivation to workout than ever because if I did 20 minutes on the elliptical, that meant I could fit a piece of chocolate in at the end of the night and still stay within my weight loss calorie range. In the beginning of the counting calorie journey, I was starving by the end of the night because my stomach was stretched out. You get over that feeling soon enough.
During the months of weight gain I had a man in my life and was genuinely happy. We cooked dinners, bought desserts and drank plenty of wine… because why not? It was romantic and like i’ve said many times, I was happy. I didn’t realize internally I wasn’t happy with my physical self. When I realized what I was doing to my body and snapped out of it, I felt upset with myself that I put blinders on and sacrificed working on myself for spending time and being happy in the relationship. It was another lesson learned. This lesson was that you should always want to continue to better yourself even when in a relationship. I won’t let that sacrifice ever happen again.
Video was taken in January of 2023.
Video was taken December 21, 2023.
The videos speak for themselves. I’m thankful I took that first video at a low point even though I sound upset and anxious. It showed me how worth it this journey has been. The great thing about Noom that originally drew me in was that it teaches you how to incorporate healthier habits into your everyday life. I don’t use the app as often as I did, but i’m still getting positive results which is amazing. If any of you are interested in Noom or have any more questions, feel free to shoot me a DM on instagram (@jourdskir) or submit an anonymous email on the home page. <3
Anxiety Update
I’m not lying when I say last year, I felt happy. I was still prescribed Lexapro and was taking it every day. At one point, I started to feel that my emotions were being dulled and I had not a care in the world. I literally felt the inability to make facial expressions due to the state of relaxation I was in. At that point, I decided my anxiety has calmed enough for me to ween myself off the medication, so I did. I haven’t felt that crazy chest tightness and anxious state in a long time, thankfully. Of course it’s still there every once in a while, but I’m understanding how to handle it and tag it for what it is in those moments. DISCLAIMER: I am no doctor & this is not medical advice. I'm purely explaining how this journey has been for me in terms of anxiety as a whole.
If you read any of my earlier blogs, that is where I dove deeper into my anxiety diagnosis and what brought it to fruition. I think it is important to know that if you ever are prescribed these medications, they don’t have to be looked at as a long term issue. If you have the right tools to fuel your body, mind, and soul, hopefully you’ll feel the change and be able to get a better grasp on your anxiety.
With that being said, let’s see if I follow my New Year’s Resolution. Thank you for reading & i’ll see you real soon.
