Goin’ Thru’ It - How 'Bout You?
Stay with me, I have a lot of say right now. I have taken time away from a lot of things I thoroughly enjoy. One of those things being this blog. I’ve been thinking to myself for DAYS of topics I want to write about but honestly, screw all of that overthinking right now. I am about to take you through what has been going through my head during these weird times in my life because I know there are people out there that feel the same as me… so let’s ride.
I know it’s only been two weeks - but to me it has felt like a lifetime since I have posted anything. Some other things I enjoy doing that I haven’t been doing recently are: reading, listening to my record player, working out, etc.
Here’s the thing. We are in the middle of a pandemic. A lot of people are “goin’ thru’ it.” While we were in lockdown LAST YEAR (ugh last freaking year dude,) I tried to stay as positive as possible and jumped on multiple zoom calls where I talked alongside my fellow softball trainers to our young softball athletes about “filling your cup.”
What does the concept of “filling your cup” mean? It means that it is so important to remember the small things that make you happy and joyful, and make sure you are consistent at doing those things. If your “cup” is empty, it is hard to make yourself and those around you happy.
I encourage you to take a piece of paper and write down things that make you happy no matter how small of a task. Get an empty cup, tear off those things that make you happy and literally put them into the empty cup. Keep that cup near you and pull an item out whenever you feel you need to refill your cup. It works, promise.
Fill your cup up, toots.
This concept helped me tremendously while in lockdown. I made sure I did 5+ things a day that filled my cup whether it was reading, playing my Nintendo switch, dancing, walking my dog, working out, etc. Wow. Is it wrong to say I was living my best life while in lockdown? I seriously can say I learned so much about myself and I am so thankful for that.
Fast forward to almost a year later. I unfortunately caught COVID in October, and am still suffering side effects that have effectively ruined the way I eat and in some ways, live my life. I went to Mariano’s the day before Valentine’s Day and walked through a ton of flowers while gagging because FLOWERS smelled like absolute shit to me. How sad is that? I can’t wait to smell and enjoy flowers again.
I know I have mentioned this, but I have been prescribed anxiety medication to help me during this time. Just got my refill today. I will say, I believe it has definitely helped. I have had less attacks, and have been feeling better.
That being said, I am someone who is a busy body. If I am not on the go, doing something, I feel guilty. I was recently told by my friend to enjoy this time and relax because my body needs it. Tell me why I feel guilty doing this? I constantly battle between “take advantage of this time, and rest,” and “go fill your cup, keep doing things to make you busy.”
There is nothing wrong with taking a break. Take the break. Rest and relax, it’s okay.
The Term “Unemployed”
Alright everyone. It took me over a month to understand that I need to be doing what I want to be doing at this time. Yes I am unemployed from my FULL-TIME job. I still work part time, which makes me enough money. I don’t think that is anyones business besides my own, unless I choose to share that, like right now. Now more than ever, many people have been let go, or laid off due to the pandemic. Here is what I have noticed since becoming unemployed:
Many people are going to bombard you with the question “How’s the job search goin’?”
Many people are going to bombard you with the question “How are YoOoOu?” with the puppy dog sad face.
You are going to job search and look for the next best thing because of those questions.
You might be so close to, or actually accept a job you truly aren’t that excited about so people get off your back.
You will get anxiety and feel stress whenever you go out in public because you know those types of questions will be coming.
I know everyone’s situation is different. I am in a position where I can hold off and really find something that fires me up, thankfully. Here’s a text from a friend that truly helped me:
“Dude you’re thriving and we’re young. Don’t be tied down to anything that doesn’t fire you the f*ck up.”
Thanks Gwen. That text seriously made me feel so much better and put this time of my life into true perspective.
Listen, if I choose to tell you and update you on my current life, take that as a compliment. It is because I trust you, and know that you are someone in my life that will always uplift me no matter how shitty situations seem to be.
If I don’t choose to update you on my life it is because I don’t trust you, and don’t trust your intentions of asking me those questions. Do you feel guilty for me? Are you secretly happy I’m “goin’ thru’ it?” You get these feelings from people and I am sorry, they are valid. Trust your gut. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone if you don’t want to. If you are someone who needs to keep asking myself or anyone currently unemployed those types of questions that are always answered back with “i’m good,” please take the hint. You might be causing more anxiety and stress at the moment. Let us come to you when we are ready.
What Now?
I wrote an entire section and then deleted it. All I got to say is - i’m happy with certain realizations I have come to personally and professionally and one of those realizations is that I need to get the f*ck out of Chicago because these winters are brutal and what better time to decide this then right now, right?
*CUE THE PICTURE TAKEN WHEN I WENT TO AZ TWO WEEKS AGO*
